Marriage & Dating Essentials

Last year I spoke to a group of singles about finding and building a strong relationship with that special someone. There were a few things impressed upon my heart as vital elements required to have a successful relationship. Of course this list doesn’t account for every possibility there is, but it is very solid if applied. It has worked for me. Because we adequately absorb only a small bit of information at a time, I will share this one point at a time. That way you have a chance to ingest, implement and improve your chances of building a lasting relationship with that special someone purposed for you. Let’s get to it.

The first step is to Throw Away Your List Of Requirements. What!? This defies all conventional wisdom as it pertains to relationships. To some degree or another, we all have standards and expectations when searching for that special someone. Women usually want the guy who’s tall, dark, handsome and gainfully employed. On the other hand, men want a woman with long hair, a nice body and treats him like a king. Those are the basic standards. But when people get deep they want honesty, a communicator, romantic, loyal and all of those other qualities you are thinking of right now. Those traits are good to have and expect from someone you love. Remember, I said throw away the list of requirements. Here’s why:

• You will forget something important - It is virtually impossible for our feeble minds to consider and account for every possible scenario that will either make us happy or disgusted in a relationship. Therefore, how can we expect a list of requirements to suffice in determining who our lives may be spent with. In making your list, did you think to yourself that you don’t want someone that gambles their paycheck away every week? Did you list that you don’t want someone who is so cheap that you would only be able to buy new clothes once a year? Or, did you list that you don’t want someone that disappears for days at a time with no explanation why or where they’ve been. A faulty list of requirements has caused many people to unfortunately remain single. Single not by choice, but by default as a result of the list of requirements. Don’t miss out on the person placed on this earth just for you because of a list.
• Lists create expectations that may not be met - Broken expectations are probably the dominant cause of heartbreak in relationships. No matter what the circumstance may have been leading to the break-up, it stemmed from an expectation that wasn’t met. Imagine your list requires romance in the relationship. Romance to you may not be romance to them. If you consider romance to be flowers, dinner “date” and a foot massage, while they consider it to be blockbuster, popcorn and soda, your expectation has been thoroughly severed. When an expectation isn’t met it leads to frustration, discontentment, doubt and for some separation. Therefore, consider the potential snare you set for your self when creating a list of requirements that may not be met according to your expectations.
• God knows who you need - Most times we don’t really know what we want. Have you ever wanted something that required time and sacrifice, only to get it not want it anymore. We are fickle beings tossed and turned by wavering emotions. We think we know what we want. But, God knows what and who we need. If you believe God has the plan for your life, throw away the list of requirements for your special someone. Ask God to give you what you need, to accept who He has for you. I want to make you aware that God does things contrary to worldly opinions. Therefore, your tall, dark and handsome man may be short, stocky and happy.

This worked for me. I asked God one day to give me what I needed to accept who He had for me. I stopped looking and focused on getting myself together to be the man God would need me to be for her. Now I am happily married to a woman that had children before me, even though that was the type of relationship I swore to never be in. I can’t imagine anyone else in my life.

THROW AWAY THE LIST!!!